Diaries of a Baseball Virgin II : Send help
It has been a week since we talked, and I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.
I’m trying man, I really am. Okay I’m really not. I’ve been binging this new Netflix show called New Girl which is wonderful, and a good version of Friends -- which isn’t good -- and I got a haircut, and I was supposed to go to the gym with Thomas but I haven’t done that either.
I did pick a favourite Baseball team. Go Phillies! Yeah! PHILADELPHA LETS FUCKING GO.
But apparently, they’re bad so that if I were to take this fanhood seriously I fear I will die from alcohol poisoning before I turn 25.
Basically, I suck at being an adult, even with fake responsibilities like fantasy baseball.
On the subject of fantasy, in my first week I’m going head- to-head with TittiesandTriples and I was really sad because he was up 8-0 but then I was up 5-4 and now we’re tied.
I don’t know how I’m getting these points, I don’t know how points even work, but sure. I’ll take it.
I know that Stanton does good things and that’s good for me because he plays for me.
And I know that Ohtani is fun. I have him as a pitcher and not a hitter because apparently Yahoo thinks it’s okay to have one guy split into two players.
His first pitching performance saw him throw 6 innings and win. Which means yay, he won, which means I get points to win.
I also know that I want this Carlos Gonzalez guy. His nickname is CarGo which is like a layup for really bad puns that will make my friends hate me.
CarGO is carrying my team. I’m loading up on all my CarGo.
Essentially and honestly though I don’t really know what I’m doing.
I gotta take this more seriously and be a good fantasy GM. I hereby declare that I will do good fantasy things. And so with that in mind I fired my advisor because he would’ve given me actual advice which would’ve made me do well which isn’t the point of losing my fantasy virginity.
I will do this right.
Oh, one last thing. I also almost traded Stanton which would have been not good.
Don’t do that.