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Diaries of a Baseball Virgin IV: Everything Hurts

Diaries of a Baseball Virgin IV: Everything Hurts

Dear Diary,

I’m writing a letter to Stanton, here’s what I have so far:

Mike, can I call you Mike? Up until three years ago, you were Mike, so I’m gonna do it. I feel like we probably have that type of relationship now.

We need to talk, I know there’s a lot of pressure on you, being this big-name Yankee and all, and not necessarily playing well, but I really need you to pick it up a little here.

You were one of the best fantasy players last year, you had 59 home runs! Dude, that’s insane! You play in a hitter friendly ballpark (hehe.. look at me writing smart baseball sentences).


Just, please Mike. I’d really appreciate it if you just, maybe didn’t strike out 16 times in a week.

I’m at the typical fantasy conundrum stage where you have this player who you know is like, really fucking good, but is playing like garbage and the urges to trade him for way under his value are there all the time.

I’ve gotten one or two offers for Stanton, both offers I know for a fact are undervalue, but I can’t ask for anything close to his value from last year.

He’s just not that guy, at least not right now.

I’m still undecided on what to do with him, but I think I’ll give him another week.

I watch baseball now like all the time, baseball is really fun and really cool to watch.

When I start getting into something, I slowly crawl into it for a few weeks and then I obsess over it and basically just go down these hour-long rabbit holes of super niche stuff.

I am now starting to do that, watching every world series game highlights of the last 5-6 years, reading into baseball stats and all that.


There are exit velocity stats. Like, what? I obsess over things like this and now I learn that baseball is like far and away the nerdiest major sport? Where have you been all my life?

However I also lost two match ups in a row and basically my life is ruined.

Turns out my best hitter right now is Ozzie Albies on Atlanta and most of my big hitters are all playing poorly right now which I don’t like.

What I also don’t like is when I do stupid things and show no capability of doing anything at a remotely competent level.

For example, yesterday I benched Rafael Devers. He hit a grand slam.

Be right back, gonna go listen to Take Care on repeat for 27 hours while watching Devers highlights until I cry myself to sleep.

Baseball has become something I very much enjoy, and being a fantasy GM is also a very fun thing. Still having fun, still slowly losing my virginity, also slowly losing my sanity.


Baseball Virgin


Diaries of a Baseball Virgin III: Stanton please do more baseball things

Diaries of a Baseball Virgin III: Stanton please do more baseball things