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Diaries of a Baseball Virgin I

Diaries of a Baseball Virgin I

Dear Diary,

'Tis the eve of baseball season. I’m not sure whether to be terrified or excited. It’s probably a mix of both.

I joined a fantasy baseball league knowing absolutely zero about the sport. I’ve never been a fan, never watched attentively, never particularly cared enough to seek out the sport and learn about it. I kind of have to now though, I don’t want to lose but I have no delusions of winning.

The draft was fun, I wasn’t actually sober for the draft and decided to call my friend right as it was scheduled to start. My first three picks were all auto-drafted.


I run back in and struggle to figure out how to properly use a computer but I figured it out and totally handled the draft on my own. All me.

Okay, not all me. Not even half me. My friend did it while I sought out the freshest of Markelle Fultz memes. But the team is mine! I’m not gonna sit here and lie. I know this fantasy league means nothing but I really wanna fucking win. It won’t happen but I genuinely want to win.

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This is my team. I don't know what 93.5% of these words mean but I can confirm that they are important. 

I guess the entire point of me writing this is to document my journey into baseball and fantasy sports. Oh yeah I didn’t mention that, I’ve never really done the whole fantasy thing. I just sit on a couch angrily yelling at players while refreshing Twitter and looking at spread sheets.  

So here’s to losing my fantasy and baseball virginity I guess?

I’m not sure what to expect out of this. After the draft I started talking to other GM’s about trades and it was pretty fun. I wanted Chris Archer because he’s apparently good but for some reason the other GM didn’t want to give him to me. Real fucking hurtful Tony. I wanted to get guys from Colorado because reasons. I don’t know man I didn’t think DJ LeMahieu was a real name until like yesterday.

The whole first 72 hours of this journey has been pretty fun. I’m learning about baseball and will actually have to pay attention.

To all other GM’s reading this, first off if you finish below me I will literally never stop talking about it. To other fantasy and baseball virgins, let’s get it. And to anyone reading this who doesn’t actually give a fuck about any of this, Hi.


Baseball Virgin

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